Happy Fourth of July! (Stay Safe!)
Your annual reminder that fireworks are explosives, actually, plus gratitude and hot dog opinions
Hey everyone,
If you're reading this on the Fourth, congratulations on finding a few minutes of peace amid what I imagine is either a) the chaos of family barbecues, b) the existential dread of small talk with your neighbor Brad, or c) hiding in the bathroom scrolling your phone to avoid both. I see you, and I support your choices.
For those of you lucky enough to have the day off, I hope you're getting a real break from the relentless news cycle that makes every day feel like we're living in the season finale of America. Take a breath. Eat a hot dog. Just for today, maybe we can all pretend the most pressing issue facing our nation is whether your cousin's fireworks display will end with "ooh" and "ahh" or a trip to urgent care.
Speaking of which — and I cannot believe I'm about to transform into your safety-conscious mom here — but please be careful with fireworks. The Consumer Product Safety Commission reports that 11 people died and about 14,700 were injured by fireworks last year. That's a 52% jump in injuries from the previous year, because apparently we've collectively decided that pandemic-era decision-making should extend to explosives.
Quick safety rundown, because I'd like you all to keep your fingers for future newsletter clicking: Never let kids play with fireworks (yes, even sparklers — those things burn at 2,000 degrees). Keep water nearby. Only use legal consumer fireworks. Don't use them while drunk (I know, I know, but that's when Uncle Jerry thinks Roman candles are meant to be held). Light one at a time and back away quickly. Never try to relight a dud — it's not worth it, no matter how much you paid for that "Mega Freedom Boom Spectacular."
Look, I know fireworks safety tips aren't exactly thrilling content. But you know what's less thrilling? Explaining to an ER nurse how you thought you could catch a bottle rocket. So be smart out there.
Whether you're celebrating with sparklers or just celebrating making it through another day, thanks for being here and reading my nonsense. In a world that often feels like it's actively on fire (sometimes literally), having this little community means more than you know.
Stay safe, stay sane, and remember: professional fireworks displays exist for a reason.
Happy Fourth,
Parker
A fun 4th note. And yea - given how irresponsible I used to be with those things, any reminder that being responsible with fireworks is a good idea is probably helpful.
Enjoy your hot dogs - even those of you who put ketchup on them. Yes Brad, we’re looking at you.
Happy Independence Day! I still believe in the concept of a United States. Thanks for the safety reminder. Also for your clear eyed optimism. Seeing the reality of today but maintaining hope for tomorrow. Don't give up, cause you've got friends...